It started weeks ago like any other conversation about holidays. “You don’t need to get me anything,” I said. Knowing full well that Mr. P would never listen, I followed up with a gentle reminder that Dollar Tree sells lovely cards. Valentine’s Day. Mother’s Day. Sweetest Day. They all follow the same cookie-cutter pattern. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Yesterday morning, I opened a five-dollar card. I knew what it cost, not only because the price was stamped on the back and the thing weighed half a pound thanks to all the buttons, glitter, and doodads, but because I am the keeper of the receipts and the queen of the spreadsheets. And my eyes filled up with tears.
Mr. P, in his perfectly teeny handwriting, had penciled a note from our baby.
Mommy,
In just a few more weeks, we get to meet for the very first time. I hope that you are as excited as I am for that day to come! I already know that you will be the best mommy ever and I can’t wait for you to hold me in your arms.
I know my baby didn’t write this letter. Or pick out the card. Or buy the hanging baskets of flowers that magically appeared on the hooks outside our front porch. Or choose the two-pound bag of Sour Patch Kids that is perfect for sharing but won’t be.
I know Mr. P did all of those things. I also know that the money he spent was our money. And I don’t care.
I don’t care that he spent $20 on me. I don’t care that we spent more than $100 celebrating the moms, godmothers, and grandma in our lives. In fact, I’m thrilled that we make time and room in our spending to do those things.
Ten years ago, Americans clocked in at $15 billion on Mother’s Day spending. The National Retail Federation estimated that spending in 2017 was expected to top $23.6 billion, outpacing last year’s recording breaking $21.4 billion. Even though only 20% of people said they intend to spend more money on Mother’s Day this year than last year, we can all see the trend. So why in the world don’t I object to throwing more money into this absurdly expensive bucket?
Because for a lot of people, these made-up holidays aren’t just an obligation. They’re an opportunity to slow down and say all the things that we’ve been meaning to say all year. That doesn’t justify the frenetic pace at which we live. That doesn’t suddenly excuse the fact that we’re so busy regular hustling and side hustling and every other kind of hustling that we forget to slow down every once in awhile. That doesn’t make it right.
But it doesn’t make it wrong, either.
There are so many things Americans fritter away money on. Let’s go back to picking on new cars. Let’s gear up for the debate on lattes. Let’s bemoan the fact that some women (hello!) manage to amass collections of over 200 pairs of shoes and think that the problem is the size of the closet, not the number of soles. And maybe, just maybe, for the sake of family, for the sake of friends, for the sake of finding a day to tell someone we care, let’s leave the made-up holidays alone.
So Tell Me…Where do you stand on holiday spending?
Aww, that’s so nice of Mr. P! You’re going to be one awesome mom. 🙂
My only issue with made-up holidays, like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, is that they can also cause a lot of pain, too. Mother’s Day is always really difficult for me.
But on the holiday spending, I think it’s a lot better to focus on genuine gifts. Tossing some $60 flowers to someone is a little more wasteful than just visiting your mom and taking her out to dinner. I think the focus should be on spending time together, instead of feeling obligated to buy something because it’s what you “should” do.
Mrs. Picky Pincher, I agree that spending time together is more important than stuff. And I know holidays can be really hard for people. I tried to view yesterday as an opportunity to thank all the amazing women in my life, moms or otherwise!
What a terrific thoughtful note! Mr. P’s already showing awesome Daddy skills, which include the occasional pampering of Mommy.
Get used to sharing those sour patch kids, though. From mid-2018 to 2036, you’ll never get your favorite candies to yourself again (except maybe chocolate-covered espresso beans…Half Penny may leave those to you.)
OR you can do what my mom did. For 23 years she told me I wouldn’t like her favorite candy, marzipan. And I listened because who would know my tastes better than my mom?! Until I finally gathered up the courage to ask her if I could try some marzipan and the look on her face said “the jig is up.” She lied to me for 2 decades just so that she didn’t have to share!
What a precious note Mr. P and Half Penny wrote you. I think the most important part of these holidays is that it “forces” time spend with loved ones. I’ll take any excuse to hang out with family, or show them they’re appreciated.
Haha. These comments are great, Emily and Jax! I think I will have to bring my Sour Patch Kids stash to work!
My parents used to hide candies and cookies in our filing cabinet under “C”. I found out pretty quickly, but my brother never found the stash.
LOVE the note from Half Penny! So sweet!!! 🙂
It’s funny, I knew I was getting a card the day before Mother’s Day, when I was processing receipts. No secrets here. But, I got the most amazing card that meant so much. My mom was thrilled with the card we gave her too. While we don’t spend a ton on holidays, we do try to give very thoughtful cards and gifts. It’s worth every penny.
I’m glad I’m not the only person who kinda, sorta spoils surprises by looking at receipts! Glad you got such a meaningful card. 🙂
I don’t mind celebrating the major “made-up” holidays. I agree that they’re a nice time to remind those who are special to you just how much they mean. But I also agree that spending some time with your loved ones is more important than spending a lot of money. I’ll always take homemade cards over store-bought and a special dinner together over “gifts”. I’m so glad your Mother’s Day was special thanks to Mr. P.
Yes. If nothing else, they can serve as the pause button that we all so desperately need sometimes!
That Mr. P is a keeper! How special that he arranged this surprise message for you from Half Penny.
I’m OK with the made up holidays but I do think Mothers’ and Fathers’ Day involve more fun when small children (or babies growing in the womb) are involved.
Yup. He did really well. And my favorite part of it all was seeing how excited he was because he knew he did well 🙂
And you’re right. It’s something my parents have always said: holidays (made up or not!) are for kids more than anything. There’s something really magical about celebrating through their eyes.
Holidays are what you make them – whether they started as a religious tradition or to sell some chocolates.
My husband picked up my first mother’s day card this year too (I’m due in early July) & it was really sweet. It made me happy that we have that moment and memory for this year.
Congratulations, Shannon! That is so exciting. What an awesome club we are joining, huh? 🙂 Best wishes to you and your family!
Love this! All the “don’t exchange gifts with your spouse to save money” stuff has been getting under my skin. Some people feel especially loved by gifts. And if you’re generally following a budget, you might not be spending much on yourself so it’s nice to treat the other person/be treated.
While we don’t typically do gifts for Mother’s and Father’s Day for each other, we do host a meal for both our families, and obviously it costs something to feed a dozen people. I’ll bet you are going to cherish that $5 card (and message), and I’m sure your child will get a kick out of it one day, too!
I’m the cheapskate here, you know that. And PiC humors me. So my gift was a beautiful little potted plant, a small bag of donuts and an extra hour to sleep in. But I wouldn’t begrudge the $60 flowers to the mothers in my life who mothered me when my own mom is long gone or when she couldn’t be there. I can’t fly out and spend time with all of them, so just being there isn’t an option, why not have the $60 flowers to remind them that I love them and appreciate them?
This year is a cheaper than usual year so I had to settle for snail mail that’ll arrive too late but that’s perfectly alright by me – it’s never the wrong time to tell someone they’re loved.
My husband and I don’t exchange gifts for holidays, but we always do cards. I would have been happy to ditch them too, but then I found out that my husband saves them all and they mean a lot to him. So, it’s a small price to pay for loving feelings and happy memories.
Happy Mother’s Day! And kudos to Mr. P. He’s a keeper.
Way to go Mr. P!
My wife and I used to hate the manufactured holidays but now we kinda like them.
Things get so busy with two kids it’s nice to have a reminder to slow down and appreciate the people around you.
That’s so sweet of the mister!
We tend to send cards and write notes, but I think I’m physically unable to spend $5 on a card. Nothing against people that do of course, but this primitive part of me drives to Staples instead and picks out a pretty, generic pack of stationary. XD
For holidays my husband and I don’t tend to do gifts, but instead go out to eat somewhere fancy or take a holiday. For our five year anniversary we wrote each other letters — about how life’s been together and what adventures we want for the future. Personalized letters, notes, and cards are THE BEST.
Whenever we plan to visit family during Chinese New Year, though, it’s just a fact of life that we have to put aside a few hundred dollars for all the nieces and nephews, in thankfully very affordable yet traditional red envelopes.
First of all I have to give credit to Mr. P. That was a really sweet idea and I wish I had thought of that when my wife was pregnant.
Second, I’m totally fine with spending on a holiday like Mother’s Day. My wife is an awesome woman and she almost never spends a penny on herself. I bought her a bottle of perfume and a gift card to the nail salon so she can pamper herself a little. It’s the least I can do for her.
Now, if you start exchanging gifts for Flag Day or Groundhog Day that’s a different story. 🙂
Oh, Mike! Send Hallmark a letter. It might be counter to everything you stand for, but you could totally cash in on that Groundhog Day idea!
Hmmm…maybe I can get a royalty for each card they sell!